Demons of Wal-Mart
by RedEyedOreos123
Summary: What happens when Claude and Sebastian go shopping at Wal-Mart? An angry, ghetto, high-heel loving demon, a scarred Claude, and four "innocent" birds on a lawn mower. Seems legit! Pure crack. Yaoi. Slight ooc. Claude/Seb & Ciel/Alois Sequel to Panty Slinging.
1. Four Ways Are For the Birds

**I'm back everyone~!**

**Okay, so for those of you that liked and faved my first crack story for Claude/Sebastian, I have decided to do a sequel. An AWESOME sequel! **

**I don't own the characters except for the ones that weren't in the original story plot. Believe me, you'll love this story as much as the first one~!Enjoy!**

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"Claude, please explain why we're in this… hideous excuse for a store?" Sebastian whined as he had done for the past two hours.

Yes raving fans, you're about to read the inevitable story of Claude and Sebastian's adventure in _Wal-Mart_.

You see, they had been given a shopping list of necessities needed to be bought for their manors by the two Young Masters.

The only problem was, they had to go together…with a pink "handbag" that had the money in it. Luckily for Claude, who was allergic to the revolting color and would break out in a horrible case of hemorrhoids, Sebastian decided he'd wear it.

_'It suits him nicely.'_ Claude thought, kind of turned on by the way his enemy wore it with swag.

He decided he'd TRY to be NICE to the raven, and gave him a compliment.

Note that what had meant to come out of his mouth was; _"It suits you nicely. I think you great with it on."_

But what actually came out was;

"Sebastian, you look so gay."

Let's just say our dear Phantomhive butler was so thrilled to hear that-that he punched Claude in the balls.

"ANYWAYS, come on and help me look for the supplies, my ass is starting to chaff in these thongs Young Master made me wear." Sebastian rolled his eyes, flipping his hair fabulously because-well, because he's Sebastian fucking Michaelis!

The items on the grocery list were very simple;

**A new lawn mower (I bet you're wondering what the hell a lawn mower and Wal-Mart are doing in the late nineteenth century!) because Finny nearly ran over Sebastian's favorite stuffed cat, Mr. Snuggles and ended up crashing into Mey-rin's bedroom. **

**Sebastian needs a new pair of 7-inch high-heel stilettos by ****_Victoria's Secret_**** because the Young Master stole his last week to use on Alois in the bedroom. **

**Both manors are in desperate need of more silverware, mainly butter knives, due to the fact that the two demons kept losing them while they battle, and it's not like they're going to search for them and reuse them.**

**Alois needs new booty shorts because his old ones keep ripping and disappearing, especially his magic ones (Claude can't help it, he's just so hungry!).**

**The Young Master needs another pimp cane because he broke the last one on Sebastian during a sex tryst. **

That was about it, besides some black nail polish that the two demons shared, they got to keep their nails all nice and pretty.

"Hey, we really need to hurry because a new season premier of '_Sex in the City'_ comes on tonight!" Sebastian called out from the makeup aisle, trying to find a good nail polish that was on sale but didn't look all slutty…although he tends to get that way when someone turns him on.

"No you dumbass, that's _'Hot in Cleveland' _you're thinking of. Besides, why do even watch that kind of stuff?" Claude corrected him.

Sebastian pouted and crossed his arms," I just like show like that, okay! Besides, why do you watch _'How I Met Your Mother'_?"

The only reaction the younger demon got from him was a stare before the older male walked off towards the Garden section of the store.

Sebastian huffed and decided to play stubborn, but when he turned around, a creepy old man was grinning at him and gave the poor demon the _Pervert Wave_.

**"C-CLAUDE! WAIT FOR MEEE!" **The raven practically buried himself into the spider's back.

**-Time Skip-**

When they made their way to the lawn mowers, Claude noticed a couple of cute, innocent little blue jays looking for food near one of the expensive lawn mowers, which what Finny needed.

He smiled and of course, just HAD to pet them and hold them.

"I shall name you Little Jimmy, and that will be Jimmy John. The birdie over there with the ugly tail feathers will be Nutty, that's your mom by the way, and the one next to Nutty shall be named, Carl, because Harold does not sound good on a college certificate!"

"HEY NUMB NUTS, I SAID; DO YOU NEED SOME POTTING SOIL?" Sebastian yelled, attracting the attention of the nosy customers.

"No, and will you quit yelling? You sound like whore." Claude remarked, earning small growl from the red-eyed demon.

Sebastian merely turned around to go look at the flowers two aisles down.

Claude turned back to the birdies and sighed.

"Why does Sebastian have to be so sexy but SO bitchy?" And with that, the spider turned once again to watch the raven.

So while Sebastian was looking at what type of roses he wanted to get for the garden, Claude decided to take a sneak peek at that hump-worthy ass his enemy got, completely and somewhat blissfully unaware of what was about to take place behind him.

**_TWEET! TWEET TWEET~!_**

_'What the fuck?_'

**_TWEET~! TWEET BABY OH YEAH! WOOOO! RIGHT THERE! LITTLE BIT FASTER! TWEET!_**

_'What the double fuck?' _Claude turned around slowly to see if any dramatic background music would play as he did so, but it didn't so about half way he just spun around.

What he saw made all his innocent thoughts of cute, innocent little birds flying around disintegrate.

**"LITTLE JIMMY STOP THAT! THAT'S INCEST! DON'T DO THAT TO JIMMY JOHN! WHAT THE- NUTTY WHY ARE YOU LETTING CARL GET ON TOP OF YOU LIKE THAT!?" **Claude screeched, trying to get the birds' attention.

_"Dude, what the hell is that guy saying? I'm not even related to you, just had sex with your sister last month!" Nutty said, obviously irritated at the fact that this dipshit thought he was a girl._

_"My name isn't even Little Jimmy!" another said._

_"WHOA…are you serious, bro?" they other three stopped in mid-hump in shock._

_"No, it's Harold, thank you. Why are you so surprised?"_

_"Harold is such a boring name…"_

_"Fuck you, John."_

_"Funny, you just did."_

"Hey, what's up with you-"

Claude just gaped at the four birds that had just finished having anal.

"Oh what the hell, you're shocked that they had sex? Claude, I'm a freaking demon raven, and I sex plenty of times. Why aren't you surprised about that?" Sebastian scoffed, a bit jealous that Claude was never paying him any attention even though he was technically a raven…just a shit ton taller.

"No, I'm not surprised when it comes to you and sex, Sebastian. Honestly, I'm so used to it that I don't even bother looking at ravens anymore." Claude replied stonily, staring at the lawn mower emptily.

Sebastian felt a pang in his heart at those words. So basically he's saying he thinks I'm ugly?

"Well, tell me, are you going to purchase this one or not?"

"Oh yes, of-"

"NO, IT'S TAINTED WITH BIRDIE SEMEN!" Claude walked over to the exact same model next to it and jabbed his thumb at it," We'll simply take this one. No arguments, Sebastian, I'm not in a good mood right now."

"Sure thing, sir!" The clerk scanned the price tag and printed the receipt.

**-Time Skip-**

Now that the two demon butlers had gotten the lawn mower, it was time to move on to the shoe department.

Sebastian nearly died from the glorious wonder that was the four large aisles they called a Shoe Department.

"Why couldn't you just get this one and save time?" Claude asked, picking up a pair of wedges, making the other butler gag in disgust.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS!? Such a shoe is not worthy of being on these fabulous feet!" Sebastian sneered, doing another fabulous hair flip that nearly made Claude cream.

"What's the big difference? It's a pair of shoes with heels!"

"Claude, honey, I'm looking for shoes with heels so big that it would put your dick to shame. Plus, the brand is _Victoria's Secret_, which is the best of the best!" the younger demon chirped, and continued throwing boxes of shoes off the shelves to find that _one_ pair of stilettos.

Eventually, the whole department was torn apart as if a tornado had passed through it. Yet, the raven still couldn't find those shoes!

So, he decided to ask the clerk.

"Pardon me, but do you know where I could find a pair of _Victoria's Secret Sinful Bliss_ stilettos? I can't seem to find any and I know they have some here. It was in the sale paper!" Sebastian flirted with the pubescent cashier.

"Umm, we're out of those."

What.

"I'm sorry, come again?" The demon's smile turned tight.

"I said; we're sold out." The cashier shot back at the demon, not realizing what the raven could do when it comes to his precious heels.

Sebastian slammed his hands on the desk, his eyes closed. He pushed himself away from the desk and walked past Claude. Then, he walked back to the desk before walking back towards the spider demon once again.

THEN, he ran at full speed back to the desk and yanked the teenage cashier by the collar with his forehead pressed against his. He gave the boy a menacing scowl complete with a glare.

"TO WHO DAMNIT!? WHO TOOK MY FUCKING HEELS!?" the enraged butler shook the boy vigorously in frustration.

"I-It was some blonde l-lady, sir-"

"HOW LONG AGO WAS THIS?" Sebastian growled, tightening his grip on the boy's shoulders, making the poor cashier wince in pain from the finely manicured nails that dug into his shoulder.

"I-I d-don't know!"

The raven gave the boy another fierce shaking before talking.

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH. YOU BETTER REMEMBER OR ELSE I'LL FUCKING BURN YOUR BITCH ASS HOUSE DOWN, MOTHERFUCKER!" he snarled in his ghetto-british voice, shaking the frightened man twice.

Claude learned that when Sebastian goes all ghetto, he's either on his man period or he's just pissed.

Well, it's obvious he's one of those things right now, and he's starting to believe it's the first choice.

"O-okay, just please don't hurt me! I've just saved up enough money to go to college and I've got a girlfriend now so-"

He was shook again, nearly pissing his pants out of fear and all that soda he had earlier.

"FINE, I'll tell you! It was about ten minutes ago. She bought them while you were tearing the shoe racks in half.

"WHERE IS SHE NOW!"

"I-in the lingerie department, but please, she's nine months pregnant so don't-" he was thrown to the ground by the butler, whose eye was twitching.

"I WOULDN'T GIVE TWO SHITS IF SHE WAS NINE MONTHS PREGNANT WITH TRIPLETS, BITCH DOESN'T NEED STILETTOS OR LINGERIES WHEN SHE'S IN THAT CONDITION IN THE FIRST PLACE!" and with that, Sebastian sped off towards the Lingerie section of the store.

**-Time Skip-**

Claude had to literally jog to keep up with Sebastian, who was currently plotting this woman's death at the moment.

"Are you seriously going to this all for a pair of stilettos, Sebastian? Why not just let the woman have them-"

"Claude, shut the bloody hell up, because you're not making _any_ sense right now." The other butler snapped.


	2. Cat Walks Are A Breeze to Sebastian

**Sup, bros. Okay, reason why I'm uploading this chapter now is because this was originally all supposed to be one huge oneshot but then I thought it'd just be easier to do chapters instead!**

**Hope you guys enjoy. and remember to review and tell me how it is!**

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That was when Claude stopped when he saw a heavily pregnant woman holding a plastic shopping bag with a box-shaped object inside of it while trying to pick out lingerie.

As much as he hated to fuel Sebastian's anger and reason for murdering the poor woman, he couldn't help but agree to what the raven had said about her not needing a lingerie at this point in time.

"Isn't that the woman you're looking for, Sebastian?" He pointed out, making the raven stop instantly.

Sebastian turned around and glared at the woman, and ran up behind her with a tight lipped smile.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but I couldn't help but notice you bought the last pair of Victoria's Secret Sinful Bliss stilettos. You know, I have a generous amount of pounds that could be all yours if you want to-"

"No, and aren't you the idiot that practically tore up the entire shoe department? Wow, isn't that as desperate as one could get." She cut him off with her nasally, shrill voice.

Claude could practically see the explosions in Sebastian's red eyes.

'Hot damn he looks sexy!' he thought to himself, his hand twitching to just jerk off as his enemy strangled that stupid-

"LISTEN BITCH, I know that you most likely bought these because you're self-conscious about how you look and all, so you think that if you wore the boots, then you're husband , who is probably blind, deaf and dumb to marry you, will have sex with you more." He took a minute to breath and calm down," But in all honesty, it would make you look uglier than my gay lover's master."

"Agreed, Alois looks like the back end of Pluto in hound form." Claude added, internally jumping for joy when Sebastian said 'gay lover'.

"You're just jealous because I bought the last pair, aren't you? Well, too bad, I need them more than-"

Sebastian shoved the woman into the clothing rack, and swiped the bag from her hand with demon speed.

"SECURITY, PLEASE COME QUICK! THIS POOR- delusional- INNOCENT-and ugly- PREGNANT WOMAN FELL AND SHE CAN'T GET UP!" he grinned evilly at her, watching her as tears welled up in her eyes.

"NOT SO FAST, FAGGOT!" She screamed, standing back up.

Sebastian's eyes began to glow as he turned around to face her and Claude could see the sudden fear in her eyes.

"Yes, is there something wrong?" he spoke, eyes wide and unblinking and his grin as wide as ever with his canines sharpened.

"Give me my stilettos back, now." She demanded, her voice wavering. This won't last very long.

Sebastian threw his head back in a fit of laughter before pulling an Alois Trancy, and suddenly glared at her," BITCH, PLEASE, AS IF I'D GIVE YOU THESE BACK."

A group of men who obviously were all single jumped at the chance of seeing to people fight decided to add their two cents into this.

"Hey ladies-" the brunette man earned a glare from Sebastian.

"How dare you call this 'thing' a LADY." The red-eyed demon commented, snickering at the pregnant woman before them.

"Oh well, I guess since you love stilettos so much, one could only assume you're a WOMAN." She shot back, and the demon instantly stopped.

"BITCH, DIDN'T I TELL YOU ALREADY THAT I AM GAY!?" he was actually bisexual, all demons were, but he just really wanted those heels.

"SO, you're a lesbian? SWEET, WHY DON'T YOU TWO JUST HUG, KISS, AND MAKE UP FOR US? Oh, and without the clothes. You could wear the stilettos, I don't mind-"

"I'm a guy, thank you. That and I have my gay lover right next to me." Sebastian sweat dropped.

"Oh shit, sorry. No hard feelings, bro." the man said.

"OOH, RICKY, I HAVE AN IDEA!" everyone turned to the short man in the back of the crowd," Why not make them both walk around in the lingerie and stilettos and see who looks better in them?!"

"Actually, I think he has a point." Claude agreed almost immediately, his mouth watering at the thought of Sebastian in lingerie and stilettos.

Sebastian and the pregnant woman glared at each other for a couple of minutes before racing in opposite directions of the lingerie department.

Sebastian found a black, leather corset with a pair of black, lacey thongs with a crap ton of ruffles and leather gloves. He also found thigh-high stockings that matched with it.

He yanked open the door of one of the dressing room stalls and threw the two teenagers that were in the middle of having sex out, locking the door behind him.

In a matter of seconds, the demon was ready and sat in a slutty pose, waiting for the men to open the stall door.

"Alright, it's time you two!" Ricky shouted, and one of stall doors opened daintily slow, but couldn't open quickly enough because Sebastian slammed his open, shutting the other one back in place.

The butler walked with swagger towards the men, giving a demonic smirk as all of them cheered loudly. He was just about to walk up to Claude when he was shoved out of the way by a certain pregnant bitch.

The crowd died down dramatically, but a good number of them were still cheering, mostly because they all had a good view of Sebastian's plump ass.

The pregnant woman strutted towards the end in white, lacey lingerie, not at all sexually appealing. Most of the men nearly threw up from the stretch marks that were clearly visible.

"Well, it's kind of obvious who won the first round." Ricky stated, jabbing a thumb toward Sebastian, who was now taking advantage of his current pose, raising his hips to show a clear view of the porcelain buttocks beneath the leather and lace.

ROUND 2: Who looks better in the shoes

Deciding to save the best for last, Sebastian let the pregnant woman wear the stilettos first. She was practically struggling to keep them on and stay balanced at the same time, because no pregnant woman has dared to wear stilettos before.

She attempted flirt and bend over, only to fall flat on her face.

Sebastian couldn't help but give a deceivingly cute giggle at her sloppy appearance.

You see, when someone such as the skilled Sebastian Michaelis, who wears stilettos to sleep at night, tries to act slutty and sexy. They CAN MOST DEFINITELY PULL IT OFF, especially with the toned booty they get from strutting in heels all the time.

Soon his amusement was over and then it was his turn. Ricky opened the door enough to hand the butler the stilettos and gaped at the position the butler was in.

Sebastian had his body slumped against the wall, legs raised against the opposite facing wall, and his hair messy. He looked like the definition of '**sex**'.

"H-here you go, dude." Ricky stuttered, handing the red eyed demon the stilettos.

Within two minutes, the door burst open and the song _'Sexy Can I'' _started playing…oh wait, never mind, it was just someone's ringtone.

Sebastian swayed his hips and walked confidently towards Claude.

"So, what do you think, Claude? Do I look good or what?" Sebastian cooed, pressing up against Claude's chest.

'Damn, right you do.' Claude thought.

"Just get the damn boots and let's go." Was his reply, and the music stopped.

"…bitch…" Sebastian muttered, his hair hiding his face as he unwound his leg from around Claude's waist.

"You were great! You win, dude!" Ricky said, fist pumping the air.

"B-but those are my boots!"

"Too bad, they're his now."

**-Time Skip-**

Now that Sebastian was satisfied with his purchase, the two demons decided to get the rest of the supplies separately.

Sebastian was still upset with what Claude said. And for a minute, he could've sworn Claude had a boner!

Yet, it seems Sebastian was once again, hated by his colleague.

He measured the pimp cane in his hand, somewhat on the verge of wishing Claude would beat him with it. Yes, that would be magnificent.

_'Wow, way to go Sebby, you're letting yourself get carried away on masochistic thoughts! Boy, does that sound like something I'd do or what?'_ he thought to himself.

The butler merely sighed, and put it back, not wishing attract attention all because he was standing there staring at a walking cane for an hour or two like he normally did.

"What are you doing?" Sebastian nearly jumped ten feet into the air when he heard the familiar voice, but he wasn't in the mood to answer Claude at the moment.

So, he simply shrugged and chose any random pimp cane an walked off to the register.

"Why didn't answer me?" Claude asked, quirking a oil black eyebrow.

"I'm not in the mood right now, if you haven't noticed, Claude. LEAVE ME ALONE." The raven hissed.

"Are you in bitch mode or just on your man period today?" Claude gripped Sebastian's shoulder tightly, not noticing the small whine he earned from the younger male.

"Fuck me."

Claude did a double-take. The last time he and Sebastian did it, Claude was all doped up on Alois' magic booty shorts...now he swears he hears Sebastian asking him to screw him a second time!

"Pardon me?"

"Fuck me..." Sebastian mumbled, fiddling with the hem of his tail coat.

"Can you talk a little bit louder, Sebastian? I still can't-"

"I SAID ; FUCK ME HARD RIGHT NOW, CLAUDE. CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW OR MUST I SCREAM IT OUT SO EVERYONE CAN HEAR ME?" Sebastian yelled, turning around to face Claude.

"Come with me." Claude said, dragging Sebastian to the Men's Room.

"What are you doing?" The raven piped up worriedly.

"Don't worry, just filling in your request." Claude took off his glasses.

Bitch be SERIOUS now.

Sebastian nearly jizzed is pants right there if it weren't for the internal cringe he had.

"The Men's Room? Oh how romantic. You know I think I liked it better when we had it in your room. Last thing I need is to get yelled at all because I'm sick in bed with syphilis from laying on the bathroom floor. I know I'm dirty but I'm not that dirty!" He grumbled, making Claude turn to go towards the exit, still dragging him like a ragdoll.

'_You_ _know you like it when he treats you like his whore'_ The little voice inside his head spoke up.

_'Mmm...no, not when he treats me like that, but when he beats me with his pimp stick, I practically-'_ he was interrupted by that annoying pregnant woman's voice.

"Hello there, it seems you have something of mine. I'd like it back, now!" She demanded, getting angrier when Sebastian merely giggled in delight at her helplessness.

"Bitch, please, as if I'd give you MY stilettos. I earned it fair and square, so go screw a duck or something. Your face annoys me and I can't see a thing with you huge ass stomach in my way." He shot back.

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**So how do you like it? Please leave a review and tell me what you all think!**


	3. Meet Jim, the Talking Rock

**Hey everyone, I'm back~! I can't tell you how hard squealed when I saw my inbox! I was SO happy. I really appreciate it everyone! I'm trying to come up with as many funny things as I can so if it gets a little weird, pay it no mind.**

**I don't own any of the characters except for Jim, the homosexual talking rock who is awesome~!**

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You know how when you think you woke up from nightmare but then you end up finding something amazing seeping right next to you with his mouth ungraciously opened, and so were his legs?

Well kids, that's how Claude felt. He and Sebastian must've gone to a local bar as a celebration thing that they always do after shopping and coming out the store with the building in one piece.

And judging by the catnip tequila bottle in Sebastian's hand, they must've had one hell of a party last night...then again, the string bikini Sebastian was wearing didn't help his demonic hangover at all, just gave him a throbbing some where else.

Sebastian cracked one lazy red eye open and Claude almost jizzed in his pants.

"Claude why do you look like Brad Pitt? Oh shit, I meant to say Tom Cruise. Fuck no, it was Channing Tatum, yeah. He's hot." Oh yeah, he's still drunk.

"Is that a confession I just heard?" Claude grinned, watching the rosy hue dust the raven's cheeks.

"Fuck you, Claude."

"Well judging by your choice of nightwear, I'd say we already did."

"Well then let me do it again so my words will have meaning." Sebastian let out what sounded like a whale having an orgasm.

"Something wrong, Michaelis?" Claude's hand was slapped back towards him as Sebastian tried to move.

"Well piss nuggets, how the hell am I supposed to get up?" Sebastian huffed, glaring at the ceiling.

"I could use my Spiderman powers."

"No, I think I'll lay in bed and play Pokemon all day, thank you. I doubt I'll be able to walk. Besides, I prefer Batman."

"Why him, his voice is too rough."

"I bet his penis is as big as the Bat mobile." The raven licked his lips and grabbed his Nintendo 3 Ds** (again, because they obviously have this shizz in the late 1800th century! Everyone should know history like I do!)**

Claude just shrugged on his butler uniform, and very quickly pecked Sebastian on the cheek before walking out the room. The raven sat up, stunned at what the spider did. He was just about to go ask Claude when a voice stopped him.

"GIRL, I KNOW YOU AIN'T GOING ASK YO HUBBY WHY HE DID THAT!" the voice had a high pitch tone.

"What the hell, who are you!?" Sebastian whipped his head around looking for the source of the voice.

"I'm Jim, the homosexual talking rock, honey. How about you lift up your damn stiletto and look in the sole!" It commanded.

"Um, okay,sure." Sebastian set the game system down and lifted up the shoe.

Sure enough, a little rock with a face smiled up at him.

"Hey there, neighbor. What's your name? Oh my goodness, I love your nails, girl!"

"Well, I did do them myself. But it appears I can't remember how yet. I still have a hangover." Sebastian got on his butler uniform and picked up Jim.

"Ah, have that problem too sometimes. So girl, what're we gonna do today?" He sounded like that talking orange that annoys the crap out of everyone...must be the same voice actor.

"Um...well, I suppose I could bring the Young Master his tea..." He placed the rock gently in his palm and took off towards the Young Master's office.

'So this 'Young Master' of yours, is he like-you're pimp or something?" Jim quirked an eye-wait, rocks don't have eyebrows.

_'Yeah, well, last time I checked, they didn't talk either.' _Sebastian's conscience sighed.

Finally the two reached the Young Master's office. The demon opened the door and shrieked.

"Ouch, damn girlfriend, that actually-** OH SWEET TAP DANCING BABY JESUS WHAT THE HELL!?**" Jim gave a manly cry as he gaped.

There, on the large oak desk, Ciel Phantomhive was finally topping Alois Trancy. In sexy kimonos, too.

"Sebastian, where have you been? Where's my tea? Do you really want to get hit by my awesome pimp cane, again?" Ciel seethed, then realized while he was talking, Alois had swapped their positions to where he was on top.

"Okay, well that answers my question." Jim deadpanned.

Ciel looked up to see who was talking and spotted the turd-shaped rock in Sebastian's hand. First he sees Mey-rin giving Bard a blow job, then he has to explain what 'sex' is to Finnian, after that he finds an old woman giving Tanaka a lap-dance, and now his demon butler and ONLY useful servant in the manor, holding a talking rock.

So, the thirteen year old Earl did what any sane person would do, he took his pimp cane and nudged the rock in his butler's hand.

"Um, back it up sweetie, I just met you. Don't get ahead of yourself and start poking me with sticks just yet." If Jim had arms, Sebastian knew he'd have them on what he'd assumed were Jim's hips.

Ciel facepalmed and looked up at the raven, "Sebastian, why is there a talking rock in your hand?"

"I honestly don't remember." Sebastian looked down at Jim, who glared at him.

"Well, this is the 'thanks' I get for everything I've done?"

"Hey, I just met you." Sebastian held up his one unoccupied arm up in defense.

"This is crazy." Ciel groaned and shook his head.

Then, Alois just had to put his two cents in before someone stole his line.** *coughcoughClaudecoughcoughshot***

"HERE'S MY NUMBER! SO CALL ME MAYBE!" He sang happily, while the other three stared stupidly at him.

" Anyways, so tell me, are you a pimp in progress?" Jim grinned at Ciel, who blushed.

"A what?"

"You heard me; _are you a pimp in progress_?"

"I own a cane and I beat most of my servants with it. Does that count?"

"HEY! I'm not your servant!" Alois had tick mark forming.

Ciel turned around slowly with a sadistic grin and said," No, you're just my whore."

Alois pouted and found on of Ciel's fountain pens to occupy himself with, because with Alois Tranny**-whoops, I meant to say Trancy-** entertainment comes easily.

"Well, at least we know you're learning." Jim stated with a grimace, before noticing Claude walk in.

"Michaelis, I do say- it appears you have a turd-shaped rock in your hand-" Claude adjusted his glasses," and it has a face."

"Now I see why you sleep in his bed, girl. Get you some of **THAT D**!" Jim laughed, finding the fact that Sebastian was blushing was absolutely hilarious.

"I'm going vegetarian-"

"Oh please, as if you would resist it, Sebastian." Ciel added with a shit-eating smirk, wanting to see how pissed off and embarrassed his butler could get.

"And this something coming from someone who was just about to have hot, slippery wet-" Alois sided with Sebastian, only because he wanted to Ciel get cornered.

"Shut up, Alois." Ciel cut him off with a grunt.

"And on a desk too. Oh how classy of you, Earl Phantomhive." Alois giggled at Ciel's blush...before he was wacked on the ass with Ciel's pimp cane.

"Bad whore! Go to your room!" He pointed with the cane towards the door.

"No, I'm staying right here!" Alois crossed his arms and pointed his nose in the air.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Ciel raise the cane again and yelped," OKAY! FINE, I'LL GO!"

Once Alois was out of the room, he turned around to see that no one was in there with him any more. Taking a couple glances around the room, he shoved the paperwork aside and took out Sebastian's Nintendo 3 Ds and started playing pokemon.

"Bitches don't know about my Pikachu!" he declared, battling that green-haired freak that says he can talk to Pokemon but is really just on crack.

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**So, how was it? I told you this chapter might be a little dull but nonetheless, the next few chapters will be better. Please leave a review and tell me what you guys think! I'll be back soon~**


	4. Author's Note!

**Hi guys, okay so I've been REALLY busy lately, okay. And I don't know when I'll get to the next chapter for Demon's of Wal-Mart. Sorry. If I can, I'll do half of the new chapter tonight after I complete chapter 9 for The Demon's Bride.**

**If not, then I'll purposely stay up late tomorrow night and do chapter 4, how about that?:D**

**And thanks to all of my lovely reviewers, I didn't know that my fanfiction would be this hilarious to ya'll! I'm so happy it was though. It means alot. and don't worry, I have great big plans for chapter 4 that's loaded with crack!XD**

**Thanks**

**-RedEyed**


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